Like I swore on everything that I would never have a child…
But I’ve noticed that as I’ve been getting older… I want nothing more than to see a tiny human I made run around. Hopefully, she’ll look more like me.. or he.. I ain’t picky.
PLEASE LET IT BE A BOY.
So future me, let it be known that past me does in fact want a baby…
IN THE FAR
that Michelle and I could become roommates later this fall…
and I’m just over here…
Universe, be nice to us, please.
I start off the day, fairly happy and ready to take on the world.
I see something. It makes me feel sad. So sad to the point where it makes me start to think. So then I think. I think. I think. I think. Then all of a sudden I’m having a shitty day. And now my boyfriend has to hear about my shitty day. Because of what? Because I allow my brain to wrap around the stupid shit in this world instead of focusing on what really matters.
I hate coming home and my studio is messy. I’ve battled to try and keep it clean for the first year I was there and that was little to no avail. I’ve given up on trying to keep the place clean, just my little corner.
I’ve come to counting the days of my lease ending and I never thought I’d find myself wanting to leave my cute little studio, but I do.
I have nothing against my current roommates, we just live differently and no one is at fault for that.
I miss my family, so much. I put a trip with my boyfriend over a family reunion that looked like so much fun. Don’t get me wrong, I love my boyfriend and the adventure I had with him was amazing, but it just makes me sad to see a huge family picture and me missing.
I miss my best friend. I feel like I haven’t seen him in so long. I haven’t talked to him in so long.
I miss my old roommate. Apart from Jay, she was the only person that anchored me and kept me sane.
I basically feel this empty hole in me. And I know that I can easily run to my boyfriend cause he lives so close, but at times I know that eventually he will grow tire of seeing me and wanting to fill the void from my family & friends. He’s never actually said that, but it’s a good assumption.
I’m looking for a new place… a new roomie and it’s making me feel really anxious. The change will be different.
It does tear me to pieces at the very idea that me and Jay won’t be living in the same building anymore. And it’s not because I’m some clingy-obsessed person, but as I stated earlier, he is the person I run to here in LA.
He’s all that I have here… I mean, yes I have other friends, but they’re all busy with their lives and far away and the thought of not being able to run to him makes me a little sad…but that is besides the point.
My point is… I’m just really stressed out and anxious at this very moment. To the point where it’s making me sick.
I want this to go away :(
I love you <3 That’s all.